The other day an injured friend of mine and I were complaining about our seriously injured sex lives and, in turn, that of our spouses! We thought that it would be so very useful to have a “how to have sex” page for seriously injured workers, where they could all share useful tips and tricks to…well…help injured people get humpy!
Whether attempting quadriplegic sex or paraplegic sex, or having sex amidst chronic pain, there are apparently ways lovers can attempt to make good sex positions even easier. Your strategy will come down to your needs.
We trolled the net and found that the following are amongst the most common issues – and resolutions – for disabled, sex…
How to have sex when you are seriously injured, in pain, disabled or handicapped
So you’ve decided to ride nature’s own wacky shack and do a cripple, good for you! But don’t get caught up in all the glitz and glamour of those Hollywood cripple pornos, there’s a lot more to it than all of that. So grab your pencil and some muscle-relaxing lube and we’ll all try to take you on an erotic journey through wheelchairs, scooters and chairlifts the likes of which even Casanova had never dreamed.
Sexifiy Your Disability
As you may already be aware, traditionally the infirm and lame and not considered desirable and until the 1970’s, were often discarded on train tracks or in volcanoes to appease vengeful gods. All that changed in the golden age of fetishised German porno when we realized the disabled were just like “normal people”, only quite noticeably different.
You need to start making the disability you’re going to be getting humpy with into something sexy. Have a thing for someone in shin splints? Why not take a shower with a splint? Soap yourself up in some candlelight and let your imagination run wild. More of an oxygen tank fan? Breathe deep and feel it penetrate your insides. Sick!
Now that you feel a significant arousal around your gimpy paramour, it’s time to make your move. But wait! You can’t hump every disabled person the same. You go at this all catawampus and someone is going to end up in intensive care and it rhymes with “the cripple you negligently humped.”
Prepare accordingly! But how do you prepare a seriously injured worker? A person who has severe pain? Someone who is impaired? Physically disabled?
For example, how can a dude with a severe and very painful back injury hump like a rabbit? Anyone out there who can give us some tips? Positions?
How does a woman with a excruciatingly painful dislocating shoulder be humped without causing a dislocation? Or enough fear thereof (apprehension) to cause the unwanted spams down there?
How does a woman with an excruciating pudendal nerve injury hump? How can she reach an orgasm without crying out loud from sheer PAIN?
Good sex positions for injured people?
Whether attempting quadriplegic sex or paraplegic sex, or having sex amidst chronic pain, there are apparently ways lovers can attempt to make good sex positions even easier. We trolled the net and found the following tips:Spasticity
If you’re having problems straightening your legs, then lie on your back with your partner assuming the “on top” position. Your lover can then lean back onto your bent legs for a slightly different sexual position that may offer different sensations.
The person having issues with bowel or urinary functioning should be the partner on top. Side by side position is another way to avoid putting pressure on the bladder.Unsupported positioning
Consider how you can use rolled up towels strategically, e.g., under one’s lower back, in better supporting each other in assuming position or holding a good sexual position.
Pillows can also be used, helping those with hip problems, for example, to have sex when placed between the receiving partner’s legs during side-by-side position, where he or she is penetrated from behind or at a perpendicular angle. Well-placed mirrors can also help with this strategising.
Furniture around the house may also prove useful, like the use of a bed or chair as support for a sexual position involving kneeling on pillows. Sex furniture, like the Intimate Rider, or blocks can also be used in helping a lover to assume good sex positions.Please, please don’t be shy, share your tips and tricks, we know that injured workers would be forever grateful!