Being told you are stupid & useless? Reflection by Pastor Des Krull

stupid

“I was once told that I was stupid and useless. It took me years to overcome that one sentence because, tragically, I believed it. However, I have since learned that it had more to do with the person who spoke those words than it had to do with me….”

During my recent travel overseas, I had the honour of meeting a most wonderful Pastor, named Des Krull. Des is not like any other ‘Pastor’, but an extraordinary, passionate, warm, witty, adventurous and highly intelligent man. Des was a very jolly airplane engineer before he became a Pastor in his forties, and after having miraculously survived a terrible drowning incident. Des and I share a near-death experience and connected profoundly.

Today Des emailed me the following reflection, which I’d like to share with all of you as I strongly believe there is a lot from this story/reflection that applies as well to how injured workers are routinely “tongued” by their workers comp case manager(s), [former] employers, community, media and – sadly – sometimes  even by their own family and friends. Perhaps we could simply swap “stupid” for “lazy”, but certainly keep the “useless”, given that most of us [seriously injureds] are told we are useless, are being sacked from our jobs [based on “impairment”] and basically thrown on the scrap heap. It is bad enough that injured workers are made to FEEL that way by the workers comp “pot”, that we are unwanted (i.e. hard to get re-employed once injured), unwelcome, burdens and what-not.

I think Des has a very good point indeed, when someone – be it our case manager, our employer, some dodgy IME, rehab, whatever, keeps on repeatedly TELLING us that we are useless, lazy, stupid, whatever, we start to believe it!Is it a wonder we just about all become very depressed? And yet, as Des explains it has more to do with the person who speaks those words than it has to do with “us” [injured workers].

Being told you are stupid & useless? Reflection by Pastor Des Krull

I recently watched a TV program which related several reasons why people fail in life, the most intriguing was about a middle-aged man who had been struggling with chronic depression for many years. His counselor told him that he would need to be on antidepressant drugs for the rest of his life. He told the counselor that his father, a self-made head of a large corporation, repeatedly said to him, “Son, when you inherit the family business, I expect you’ll ruin it.”

“These words stung more painfully each time he heard them. When his father died, the man felt driven to work unreasonably long hours to prove his dad’s prediction wrong. The pressure to avoid failure that relentlessly gnawed at him was quieted only by alcohol. Soon a serious drinking problem developed. His wife threatened to leave him. Finally he succumbed to ongoing depression for which he could find relief only in drugs. His life was devastated by the power of his father’s tongue.”

I was once told that I was stupid and useless. It took me years to overcome that one sentence because, tragically, I believed it. However, I have since learned that it had more to do with the person who spoke those words than it had to do with me.

With words we can bless or curse others; encourage or discourage; hearten or dishearten them. They can be powerful motivators or de-motivators.

des-krull-pastorLet’s always use them as an instrument of healing and encouragement–and never use them to hurt, demoralize, or destroy another.

And for those amongst you who are religious….

“With the tongue [words] we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness.
Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers [and sisters], this should not be.” [James 3:9-10 (NIV)]

Take a moment and thank God for the gift of words. Ask Him to fill your heart with His love so you will always use words as a blessing to others and never as a curse.

written by Pastor Des Krull.

 

with heartfelt thanks… for everything!

[Post dictated by workcovervictim and manually inserted by T]

 

2 Responses to “Being told you are stupid & useless? Reflection by Pastor Des Krull”

  1. We tranfer our own inadequacies onto others to free ourselves of the burden of dealing with our sense of shame is another way of putting it.   It’s only those who feel an overwhelming sense of shame that ‘unload their shit’ onto others.    I made a decision a long time ago not to transfer my shit onto my family.  It’s all about perspective.   This is why is is so important for injured workers to defend themselves and realise that is is the system and those who mindlessly ‘follow orders, procedures and processes’  dictated by a dysfunctional system who make life hard without transfering it onto those closest to them.    That’s why we created the Cycle of Despair Model – to help injured workers understand the systemic forces that make life for too many injured workers a ‘living hell’

    http://www.injuredworkerssupport.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Cycle-of-despair-caused-by-an-adversarial-system.pdf

    • I LOVE the way you summarised it, John – ” It’s only those who feel an overwhelming sense of shame that ‘unload their shit’ onto others”.

      This reminds me of the great bullying article you posted yesterday, which states “One reason workplace bullying victims find it difficult to seek help is they are afraid they will be seen as a weak person who is unable to cope. Yet research shows that victims are usually ”competent, successful, confident and qualified, in contrast to bullies who are weak, jealous and lacking in confidence”. Bullies seek to weaken their victims through one-on-one tactics to break the victim’s spirit…”

      I have – finally- come to the profound and lasting realisation that I [ as in ME- the injured person] am NOT the problem – on the contrary, the [workcover system] is the sicko here. As John reminds us all, It is so so important to remember this at all times during your workcover hell – if need be print out the Cycle of Despair and hang it up above your bed!

      Very important tip:

      STAY CONNECTED WITH YOURSELF, and WITH those who love you and are close to you, and may you be reminded everyday what a wonderful person you truly are. 🙂

       

      workcovervictim February 6, 2013 at 9:56 am