After spending the last couple of days (at least) reading and re-writing shared, heart-wrenching stories from many fellow injured workers, and feeling rather sickened, depressed and -frankly – somewhat impotent- by them all, we thought it time for some fun! However, given the “litigatory” nature of workcover insurances, we have taken the necessary precautions and censored where necessary 
Workcover insurer is recruiting – we have broadened the skill set needed for the job
Workcover insurer is recruiting a personal assistant: the ad
Broad role, combining executive administration with business support, with the opportunity to challenge your communication skills. A leading global brand, with a strong performance culture
[Workcover insurer] Australia Limited, a subsidiary of the [insurer] Group, is one of the world’s leading insurance and financial services organisations. We currently have an opportunity within our Workers Compensation Division for an experienced and motivated Personal Assistant who is seeking a challenging career within a professional service-orientated organisation.
The duties of the role will consist of:
- Reporting to the General Manager Workers’ Compensation Victoria
- Effective management of communication and strong customer relationships, co-ordinating, maintaining and organising correspondence.
- Preparing management meetings and agendas and power point presentations, take minutes, circulate to attendees, follow up on action items.
- Primary contact point between GM and the Victorian government regulator WorkSafe.
- Coordinating and overseeing functions, venues, accommodation and travel
- GM diary management, review and action GM emails as agreed by delegating, prioritising, responding on behalf of GM.
- Providing outstanding customer service to internal and external business stakeholders
- Providing minimal support to a small Business Development team
- Participating as a key member of the Staff Events Committee
Your skills
- Extensive experience in a previous Personal Assistant role
- Excellent attention to detail
- Professional, organised and able to work in a fast paced environment
- Strong knowledge of all MS Office applications / exceptional Word and PowerPoint skills
- Ability to quickly build relationships across multiple divisions
- Immaculate verbal and written communication skills
- Flexibility to accommodate short term additional workload peaks as they arise
- Superior customer service skills
You will have previous experience in PA/EA role and be a confident, proactive and reliable professional. You will demonstrate your highly developed verbal, written and interpersonal communication skills, combined with relationship management skills and a strong customer service ethic. Your keen eye for detail, ability to anticipate the needs of your manager and to work efficiently under pressure are essential.
In return, [insurer] will provide you with supportive management dedicated to your ongoing learning and development, extensive employee benefits within a positive and sociable working environment.
If your skills and experience match the above mentioned criteria, please apply online by Friday 13 April 2012.
Workcover insurer real job description
As “None”, our formidable contributor states, why not rewrite the [true, real] Job Description for the role of Personal Assistant and General Manager/or even Case Manager in the Workers Compensation Division?
We suggest the following skills are absolutely necessary:
- Training in extreme bullying is required, for example 6 months experience at an Indonesian abattoir would certainly shortlist a candidate [we can tell you, folks, but we nearly p*ssed ourselves writing up this one - provided to us by "None"
] - Ability to easily identify all sensitive documents for immediate placement into our state-of-the art shredder
- Ability to arse-lick all WorkCover Authority agency employees
- Must be of the strong, unwavering opinion and belief that ALL injured workers are fraudsters and milk the system (see what your colleagues have to say here)
- Behaviour that intimidates, degrades or humiliates an injured worker is a must
- Lack of basic professionalism and utter and absolute ignorance will get you far
- Must have jaded, cynical and apathetic attitude 24/7
- Must NOT adhere to recommendations
- Make cost-effective, non-educated decisions at all times
- Ability to separate yourself from the reality of the situation and use your given power to destroy an injured worker’s life is highly valued
- Must spend more time and effort trying to find ways to close a claim and determine the injury a “non compensable injury”, or “deny that MRI/treatment/surgery “, rather than actually spending time trying to assist the injured worker
- Must be biased beyond belief – guarantees you to quickly move up the ranks
- Personal anger, frustration, bitterness and sheer resentment will be an advantage
- Must have NO education regarding injuries and rehabilitation, or even basic knowledge of medical terms and even anatomy
- Verbal abuse, behaviour which is intended to punish, constant unreasonable criticism, put-downs and sarcasm, poorly managed conflicts of opinion and personality clashes are highly sought after
- Must be willing to breach Conciliation Certificates and Rulings at any cost
- Must be willing to DENY any and all benefits to any and all injured workers, from weekly payments to home help, even though the medical evidence proved the injured worker genuinely needs benefit
- Must NOT have the desire to “do the right thing”
- Must be able to whipsaw an injured worker into saying or doing almost ANYTHING
- We prefer applicants with psychopathic and or narcissistic traits – previous criminal convictions are seen as an advantage.
- We value a culture of bullying and harassment and so does WorkSafe, whom we report to
We’re sure our loyal readers will come up with some other appropriate suggestions.
Perhaps we could then suggest to the advertising workcover insurer that it re-advertises the job so with our more accurate job description?
Shortlink: http://aworkcovervictimsdiary.com/?p=6650
Hang on a second, why is this even being advertised?
I believe that Mark Radford of Radford Lawyers _may_ already know some lovely “ladies” who, in my honest opinion, are perfect candidates for this job.
Hire from the inside I say!
They are indeed LIVING job descriptions for real case managers, hey! Do we need to say more of what (99%) of workcover case managers do all day?
Oh – you may want to add in the skill set: ability run fast to our readily available lawyer (although he may not be up to date with the legislation)
Dearest WCdiary, you have made me laugh so hard, my belly hurts and I have still tears in my eyes from laughing so hard – thank you so so much for making my day! I haven’t laughed this hard for YEARS!
I suggest you put that NEW ad up under this old Ah aah aaah ad – we may be surprised that certain ah aah aaaah “people” may actually perfectly fit the position description and apply!
You did make me laugh something unreal
